Yo Mom, Stop Crampin' My Style

For the life of me, I could not get comfortable last night. I kept moving around, trying to find that just-right spot, but eventually, I just gave up. I don't think my mom was too happy about it as it was pretty late. But gosh, I need some more room. Maybe I will be sliding out of this joint early after all. It's too cramped for my taste. I need room to breathe. I need... freedom. If you want to know what it's like as a fetus, it feels like this (only without the salt):


Until next time, that's (my very cramped) life thus far.

The Pet Pleading Begins

I'm not even born yet and I already want a pet. How could you not when, just minding your own business, surfing the web from your mom's uterus, OH MY GOSH! You come across pictures like these...

Okay everybody, clap if you agree I should get a pet already!

Their powers of cuteness overwhelms. If you want some more of the cutest living things in the world (next to me, that is), check out Cute Overload for all your unbelievably adorable, pet-lovin' needs.

Until next time, that's (my way too cute but pet-deprived) life thus far.

My Parents Are Scared

According to my parents' latest blog post, they're scared. While I may not fully understand the depths of their fears, I appreciate them. I mean, even though the concept of true, deeply-seeded fear is still a little beyond me, I know that my mom and dad hold their parenting related fears because they both love me more than I can understand. In fact, I probably won't understand the level to which they love me until I myself am preparing for parenthood. From my point of view, their fear is even a little comforting. Because it shows me they're just as unprepared to be parents as I am to enter the world. They're every day people, fears and all.

Mom, Dad, if you're reading this, don't worry about it so much. I'll try to be obedient so you won't have to discipline me, Mom. And Dad, I know you're going to be fun... I can hear it in your voice and the way you make mom laugh. Sure, I'm going to have my frustrating moments, but in all the truth I can muster, I know you both love me more than I can explain. Knowing that, I can set aside my biggest fears.

Until next time, that's (my beautiful and blessed) life thus far.

The Photogenic Fetus That Is Me

People have been asking my parents about the last ultrasound a lot lately. And considering the fact that no one other than my parents have actually seen me yet, my parents and I decided it would be nice to show you a couple snapshots from my latest photo opportunity.

First, here's my big toe for which my mom nicknamed me "Big Toe Magoo." According to her, I've unwillingly inherited my dad's oddly curved toes. Thanks, dad.

Next, here's a nice little profile shot. I may not have the most distinguished of features yet, but as you might be able to see here, it looks as if I have a really big nose and some very voluptuous lips. We'll see if it stays that way.

If you're still not convinced I'm a girl, here's the picture to make you think otherwise. What you may think appears like a boy part is actually just the umbilical cord. Yes, I'm very much a girl.

Lastly, here's a nice little face shot. I would have waved, but my arm muscles are still developing. My eyes and brain look a little hollow here, but don't worry, that's just fluid. I am fully in tact.

Well, those are the only photos worth showing for now. Wait a couple more months and I'll have some much better shots for you. Also, I think my dad's been taking pictures of my mom's belly so you can see what I'm doing to stretch her... literally.

Until next time, that's (my incredibly photographic) life thus far.

The Beauty and Requests of Voices

It hasn't been long that I've had ears to hear what's going on outside my mom's womb. The distinct beauty and uniqueness to each person's voice amazes me. Most of the voices sound like mere murmers from inside here, but when the voices are loud enough or someone is close enough to my mom, I can hear very clearly. Last night there were two distinct sounds I heard that I am still pondering and remembering.

The first of the sounds was music. I've heard the music my mom and dad play already—Miles Davis, Jack Johnson, Damien Rice, Al Green, Counting Crows, and a variety of others—and it's not bad by any means. But this music was noticably different. Instead of the voices projecting through a speaker, it was as if hundreds of people were gathered together, singing in unison a song that clearly represented meaning to them. Songs about the glory of "God," his worthiness, how much they love him and what he's done. You should have heard all the voices. They were beautiful.

The second thing I heard which I can't stop thinking about were my mom's and dad's voices. It wasn't the sound of their voices that made it stand out, but more importantly, what they said. From what I could hear, they were talking to their father. With their hands pressed up against my mom's belly (I can feel that stuff), they asked their dad to instill within me a desire and yearning for purity. They requested that I would have wisdom and that their father would protect me from any harm or ill intent. This is one of many requests I've listened in to. I'm not exactly sure what everything they requested of their father meant, or even why they requested the things they did, but I do know they made those requests together because they love me.

At the end of their request, I heard them mention that "God" name again. I've heard him mentioned over and over now. While I've only had ears for a short time, I hear my parents saying his name incredibly often. I don't know who this God person is yet, but I sure am interested to find out more about him and meet him. Someday.

Until next time, that's (my continuous learning experience of) life thus far.

A Little History For Ya

I might as well start from the beginning...

2005

October 22
After a stupid long engagement (nine months), my parents finally tied the knot. It supposedly turned out pretty good. I don't know. I wasn't there.

Somewhere Between December 7-14
My parents had unprotected sex and wouldn't you guess it, I was conceived. I'll spare you the details.

2006

January 16
After seven pregnancy tests (yes, seven), my mom finally let the shock set in and accepted the fact that she was pregnant. Meanwhile, my father was jumping around the house like a maniac in his boxers. You can read my parents' full reaction here.

May 4
Surprise! My parents found out I was very much not a boy. As a result, they quickly stopped calling me Kyle and picked my way cooler (and appropriately female) name, Riley. Read all about the big surprise here.

May 10
Upon hearing the news that my mom was going to give birth to "a chick," one of my dad's highschool freshmen students said, "I bet she's going to be hot." Ah, the battle of the boys begins.

May 15
I got hiccups for the first time. My parents were pumped for no good reason and kept pushing in on my already cramped living space. I guess you get excited about stuff like that when you're old. You can read about my hiccup problem here.

May 16
I began this blog, thereby forevering change the face of the planet by voicing the butt naked truth about life thus far from the eyes of the youngest blogger ever to have lived.

September 18
After a long and very cramped, dark nine months, at 18:39, I finally made it to the Outside. Read all about the big event here. Or from my parents' perspectives, here.

September 24
My parents didn't waste anytime at all getting back to life as usual. So, I can say that the first movie I saw in the theatre, was Jackass: Number Two. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Though I couldn't make much of it out considering I slept the entire time.

November 7
While it probably wasn't too hard to figure out, my geniusness was confirmed the day I rolled over all by myself... at only seven-weeks old. That's one to four months ahead of schedule, in case you were wondering.

Keep checking back here for history as it happens. Until next time, that's (my historically accurate but fairly uneventful) life thus far.

Ew... Gross!!!

I finally figured out what's going on "outside." I was rockin' back and forth, back and forth a good long while last night. It happens pretty frequently in the evenings. I had no idea what was going on, but it's always uncomfortable and it kinda makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Anyway, after it stopped, I heard my mom tell my dad, "I wonder what Riley thinks is going on when we have sex." That's right, SEX!

That means they've done "it" more than once. Unbelievable! I'm going to be scarred for life. My parents are having sex while I'm inside my mom's tummy. Totally, 100%, absolutely, super dee duper gross! Could you just hold off a couple months?

Until next time, that's (my sometimes revealing) life thus far.

This HTML Thing Is Tricky

I have to tell you, even though I may be the youngest blogger ever to have lived, thereby implying that I am likely the smartest living fetus on earth, this HTML formatting thing is tricky. I don't even have a completely firm grasp on the English language yet, let alone a programmer's. So, please pardon the mess and lack of cool sidebar stuff. Just keep checking back and I'll be sure to make this one of the sweetest blogs around.

You should also know that instead of remembering this kind of long domain, just visit LifeThusFar.com and you'll be redirected to this blog. Great domain name, huh? My dad helped me pick it out. Thanks again, dad.

Well, there's nothing else really new. Until next time, that's (my somewhat technologically challenged) life thus far.

The Youngest Blogger Ever To Have Lived

First, let me introduce myself. I'm Riley. Riley C. I would tell you more, but my parents are a little strict on the privacy stuff and won't let me give out my full name or anything. Right now, I'm still in my mom's womb, but I figure it's never too early to start getting your voice out there. So here I am.

I know I'm a little behind on the blogging craze, but try to cut me a break... I'm not even born yet, for cryin' out loud. While other fetuses (or is it feti?) might use that as an excuse, though, I decided to get right to it, make the record books as the world's youngest blogger. And rightly so. My parents are fairly good communicators (from what I can hear) and I might as well make 'em proud.

I should probably tell you what got me here, too. I'll cut right to it for you: my parents had sex. Yep. It's as simple as that. My mom is probably thinking twice now that I'm causing her all sorts of discomfort and pain. She doesn't get it, though. It's cramped in here, and if she keeps feeding me the way she has been, I won't have any room at all soon. No worries though, every now and then I give her a good solid kick to let her know who's in charge.

Oh, and yesterday, I almost forgot. I got hiccups for the first time. It was okay for the first little bit, a good new experience and all, but after a while, I was ticked. I had them all stinking day long. From what I could hear on "the outside," my dad said I must have picked up his propensity for getting the hiccups all day. Fantaaaaaastic. Thanks dad. The joys of genetics continue. First my freaking huge, curved big toe and now hiccups.

Well, I'm going to go take a nice long nap now so that I can wake up just in time to kick my mom in the gut as much as possible as she tries to fall asleep. Until next time, that's (my short but otherwise content) life thus far.